Infidelity & Betrayal Trauma Healing
Rebecca Blevins
APSATS Betrayal Trauma Specialist
Rebecca helps women heal betrayal trauma from porn, sexual and emotional infidelity. She validates their feelings, empathizes with their pain, educates them on the impacts of their trauma, and coaches them on the journey to healing.
What is Intimate Partner Betrayal
Intimate partner betrayal is when someone you depend on for survival significantly violates your trust or well-being.
You can experience it as trauma after discovering his pornography, sexual or emotional infidelity.
Betrayal Trauma Symptoms
This list does not encompass all the ways in which betrayal trauma can present. If you identify with these symptoms, know that there is hope:
- There is hope for you.
- There is hope for him.
- There is hope for your relationship.
- mental "film reel" of intrusive thoughts
- insomnia
- nightmares
- flashbacks
- social isolation
- depression
- anger / rage
- disordered eating
- hypersensitivity
- hypervigilance
- mood swings
- "brain fog"
- can't trust own judgment
- panic attacks
- anxiety / fear
- restlessness
- shame / self-blame
- denial or dissociation
- feeling crazy or powerless
- immobility
- acting outside your value system
Infidelity PTSD
(Post infidelity stress disorder)
We include post-infidelity stress disorder because it's a term often used to reference PTSD developed by infidelity. Both refer to the same condition, but PTSD is an official diagnostic label while PISD is not.
Betrayal trauma can make you feel crazy and question your reality.
The shock and distress of infidelity can be perceived as present-day life-threatening or life-altering events. Betrayal is also complex in that you can relive pain from emotional wounding in the past. The visceral impacts of both present and past can shake you to your core, leaving you feeling alone, unsafe, and untrusting.
The effects of infidelity and betrayal manifest as post-traumatic stress. You can measure the severity of the trauma by taking a PTSD test.
How do you know if you have PTSD from infidelity?
Take our test to find out if you meet PTSD criteria.
Helplessness and isolation are the core experience of psychological trauma. Empowerment and reconnection are the core experience of recovery.
Dr. Judith Herman
APSATS
Association of Partner of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists
APSATS is the organization on the forefront of developing a treatment model that recognizes the trauma "partners of sex addicts" face as a result of their spouses' behaviors and betrayal.
Relational betrayal can drive women into loneliness. They often internalize the shame of infidelity and feel they have nowhere to turn. Betrayed partners need someone they can trust to share their pain without fear of rejection or judgment.
Support from an APSATS trained specialist is essential for your healing. Someone with an empathetic ear and a shared lived experience who can validate your feelings and help you heal from the impacts of infidelity.
You're in the right place.
Betrayal Trauma Coach
Our program meets your needs, where you are. Explore and heal from the impacts of betrayal in a space of kind acceptance with a specialist who can relate to your suffering.
We invite you to contact Rebecca or meet her online for a free consult to learn about our practice and how coaching can help you. Ask anything in confidence.
What is betrayal trauma?
What is the difference between PTSD and PISD?
PISD - Post-infidelity stress disorder
When talking about the impacts of infidelity, the two terms mean the same thing. PISD is often used to reference post-traumatic stress developed by infidelity. Both refer to the same condition, but PTSD is an official diagnostic label while PISD is not.
In other words, you can use the two terms interchangably in casual conversation. If you were to visit a doctor though, you could be diagnosed with PTSD if you met the criteria. Not so with PISD because it is only jargon, and disorder in its name is misleading since PISD is not medical terminology.
Does the pain of betrayal ever go away?
Many of my clients say they'll feel better if their betrayer will only get better. Others rightly ask, "It's the betrayer who has the problem, why should I have any work to do?"
I use the analogy of being harmed in a car crash. Even if you aren't responsible, you still have injuries that won't be healed by the other driver's amends. You are in need of healing regardless.
Your betrayer's efforts to be a better person won't mend your emotional wounds, but it can help expedite the process. Your healing is your journey to take. It's unfair, I know that personally. Healing begins when you start and the pain fades in time as long as you keep this as your focus.
Trauma is subjective. Healing journies are unique and dependent on your ability to process trauma. A betrayed partner may suffer with intense symptoms for weeks or months. Less intense symptoms may persist for years while they gradually subside.
That may seem like forever. The time will pass either way. We can either spend it learning and growing, or spend it wondering if life could be different.
I'm sorry, this is the hardest thing for me to share with partners in pain. No one wants to hear this message, but you deserve the truth.
How do I know when to seek help?
Yet, here you are—doing something good for yourself. Trust in that you made it here and you can do more to heal. Follow your intuition that leads to safety and help from a specialist trained in betrayal trauma healing.
An early healing objective is to learn how to start trusting others again while staying true to yourself. That's done with support from someone who can relate to your pain and guide you back to your intuition.
If you're still unsure, I invite you to take this PTSD test to help gauge your degree of trauma. Let the results be a guide for you.
I understand facing the reality can be a scary prospect. I've provided healing resources that don't involve contacting anyone. I hope you find them beneficial.
What is a betrayal trauma coach?
Partner coaching specializes in helping clients heal from the significant violation of their trust and wellbeing. It's a compassionate and judgment-free alliance between a client and coach that examines how and why the trauma of betrayal impacts the mind and body.
Together, they set healing goals and find safe, effective ways to achieve them. Partners learn how to calm the pain and racing thoughts, and how to ground when feeling triggered. Most importantly, partners have a safe and empathetic space to explore the impacts of the betrayal with a coach who has lived a similar experience.
As a betrayal trauma partner coach, I offer a compassionate, real-world approach to partners who are not sure what they should do or where to turn for help. I've walked this journey myself and can be fully empathetic to partners in their time of need.
What areas do you serve?
If you reside in an area several time zones away, please contact me so we can discuss how to overcome this barrier to working together.
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